How must the conversations evolve as a result of anal's newfound popularity?clear cut knowledge that "no means no," I've heard many horror stories of women being pressured into anal under the guise of sex positivity or a "willingness to be sexually adventurous."Vivienne*, 23, tells Marie that she has felt pressure to have anal sex, even when she clearly stated it wasn't an option: "I was drunk and said I didn't want that.To them, it's about convincing you, coaxing you into doing something you're not cool with."Sarah Tomchesson, a sex educator and head of business relations at Pleasure Chest says that even though there is a high concentration of nerve endings around and just inside the anus—so in theory the ass has the potential to be a stimulating erogenous zone—there's also plenty of room for error with anal play.She notes that many people have had bad first experiences because they either didn't use lubricant, moved too fast, thought that anal play had to involve deep penetration (when, in fact, external stimulation and light, shallow penetration is ideal for accessing the nerve endings in the anus) or felt pressured to try it. We can't just brush this issue under the rug for fear of a right-winged, "We told ya anal was bad and a sin! In order for people to avoid anal when they don't want to have it, and to have good anal when they do, we have to provide clear-cut, pleasure-based sex education and consent in schools and at home.But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.
I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.Witness: the enormous backlash of the educational "Anal Sex 101" article—written by yours truly.Even if anal is less shrouded in shame than it once was, it's still not something young people are learning about or talking about openly.Among 130 teens surveyed between the ages of 16 and 18, consent was a hairy issue, with young men often thinking they didn't need to ask for informed consent in order to have anal sex.Mal Harrison, director for the Center for Erotic Intelligence, blames this lack of communication around consent on what she calls low social intelligence.Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.