That’s what a 24-year-old friend I’ll call Jane found after falling for a guy she met on dating app Coffee Meets Bagel after weeks of messaging.“As we texted, I was becoming more and more convinced that we were truly compatible. We communicated very effectively, but there was never an in-person spark,” she says.“He told me that I sounded, ‘kind of insane,’ to which I responded that I know myself well enough to know when something won’t work,” she says.The ever-frustrating text delay has even impacted the likes of Aziz Ansari.Though not everyone agrees on what those guidelines are, people feel strongly that their view is the right one. Though these rules apply to both genders, outdated mores still tend to guide them.
That’s why 58% of singles think texting makes dating more ambiguous, according to a recent study from online dating sites Christian Mingle and JDate.MORE: Why Bumble Wants to Beat Tinder at Its Own Game And yet the importance of texting grows with each passing Valentine’s Day.As more and more couples meet online or through dating apps, texting has become not only a means of seduction, but also the foundation upon which a future might be built.We liked the same movies, books, television shows, music. “I actually think the reason we dated for as long as we did was that I was hoping he’d become the guy I fell for via text.” The transition from texting to reality can be tricky. It’s game theory, figuring out how best to intrigue the other person,” says Sherry Turkle, whose book advocates for a return to face-to-face communication.In fact, we were, and he just consistently made me laugh and smile a lot,” she says. “The danger is you extend ‘the game’ into the relationship, and that game becomes normalized.It’s very hard for single people to know when they’ve gotten out of that ‘game’ stage.” MORE: How to Find Love Online, According to the Founder of OKCupid In her book, Turkle writes about a man she met who thinks the time he takes to carefully structure text responses makes him a better person, communicator and mate.